Diary 5/7 to 5/8/22: McAfee expensive; stupid about groceries; Hemlock Club w/photo; dark night; Zen and analysis; not believing fantasies; another smoothie; Frankl quote and doom; Dostoyevsky and grief; Gibran and pain; "repugliKKKan"; opening the curtains.
Diary 4/12 to 4/17/22; US hypocrisy; an emotional crisis survived through self-indulgence; "shrunt" defined; neurosis? Wittgenstein and Highsmith quotes; the essential essence.
"Know thyself" as applied in my life, an essay from years ago, with an update.
Critique group fizzles; Family Guy issues; Butler novel; posting Hap the Crystalwright; self-guidance vs self-mastery; becoming a vegetarian; awesome Seventh Seal; et cetera.
Pollyanna Grows Up; movies; Hallmark crap; Taylor's book, Whole Brain Living; Hemlock Club meeting; the "lump of ignorance"; constipation; Power vs Force book is BS.
Shelf overload; Jane Austen; the end of self-therapy; Marsha Hunt; Pollyanna; antiphilosophy; Jung worthless? Dreams; Hemlock Club; pronouns; excrement! BB Journal; Dune; Henry Miller; writing doldrums; Writers of Kern
A dream; failure of creativity; my stupidity; Twitter squabble; pit of despair?; Blade movies; feeling drained and confused.
Working on a novel; Anna Faris & Scary Movies; Helen Vendler & Alexander Pope; Prison Diary dictation; Alan Watts & self-mastery; Bugsy Malone.
Old western movies; mindfulness; news hunger, terror, and hate; false memories and sense of self; horror movie remakes; Hemlock Club fizzle.
Final thoughts on Nabokov; Hemlock Club mtg; Michael Moore's Awful Truth; Andromeda series; story idea; Maslow's Motivation & Personality
What might be the real reason that I’m resistant to meditation? Because I didn’t discover it myself and I have so many people trying to push it on me? Pure willfulness? (Which, like “you’re just stubborn,” is no explanation at all, just a label...
[Maslow's Motivation and Personality] provoked a lot of thought, though not necessarily anything earthshaking; I’ll have more to say when I type the quotes. It seemed to take a very long time. On 1/1/21 above I mention plodding through it, including having finished the first two chapters, so it took somewhat longer than three weeks.
Listened to a vital hour-long discussion with Chris Hedges, How Republicans, Democrats, and the Media Have Weakened US Democracy. We are doomed; the only thing Hedges could suggest is impossible to me: basically, shut it all down, take to the streets and create chaos. “Mass sustained civil disobedience” is how he expressed it.
Sometimes when I ponder events of my childhood or youth, I feel a twinge of rage against that stupid boy, wanting, sorta, to choke or punch him. Is this guilt, or shame, or what? Shopped at Barnes & Noble yesterday and spent about $120.00, coming home with three books...
So I’ve begun stocking up for the coronavirus panic, spending $150 at Food Maxx this morning. I needed groceries anyway, and so might have spent $100, but I doubled up on some things, like getting three dozen eggs...