Blocked by Oliver; Stigmata DVD; Hemlock Club meetings; editing woes; did Ma want a girl instead of me? Reading Tod Browning's Dracula; a dozen movies dissed; book splurge.
Ferlinghetti; It; mindfulness; Debby Ryan; testosterone, masturbation, perversion, impotence, Viagra, constipation, i.e., disgusting old age. Also, integrity. And Amazon sucks. 100 followers!
A week of HBO and Cinemax and stuff. Watched maybe the first half of Aquaman, and turned it off at that point because it was so awful. The man himself is good, but the story just sucks. I expect it will have its fans among the younger set, like thirteen-year-old boys. But, seriously, drinking and driving? Heavy drinking for amusement value? No and No. The CGI is overblown; Atlantis would have looked better if...
... neuroses are essentially psychic bandages—how we unconsciously respond to hurt in order to prevent more hurt. But of course it is necessary eventually to get beyond that stage. This is a commonplace. Another valuable lesson is how to respond to verbal aggressions like criticism...
Even as I think of saying, “The world doesn’t need more contenders,” etc., another voice pipes up: “So you’re content to waste your gifts.” No, I guess I’m not content, it’s probably accurate to say that I’ve never been content, with the possible exception of the time after I had decided that I wanted to be a novelist. I quickly discovered that what I really wanted was to have the perks without doing the work.
At the last Hemlock Club, J said he doesn’t want to play board games, though he made an exception for Scrabble, “because it’s educational.” He was distinctly lukewarm about spending more time together. Also, when I brought out the puzzle box, and talked about it, neither of the “Hems” were the least bit curious about it. Clearly, I have mistaken my friends.
I've been off the Internet for a month due to software problems. This is the first of two long posts to get me caught up to the present in my Diary posts.
Persistent vertigo interfered with my Writers Writing this morning, as did the arrival of Pablo at about 9:30, but I put in three and a half hours, mostly working on KM. New macros I had added to my “ribbon” didn’t work, though they worked yesterday, so I still have confusion about how macros are saved and templates and so on. That’s pretty damned frustrating, though there have been workarounds so far. Even more frustrating is that the “help system” is generally useless and stupidly designed. I’ve been doing word processing since around 1980, and computer and macro programming for decades, yet when it comes to Word, I’m practically a beginner—despite extensive (though fifteen-year-old) experience with Visual Basic. Naturally, I blame Microsoft, not myself.
So, up to age ten or twelve, life seemed to me entirely trouble-free and a complete pleasure of outwardly-directed activities. Yet as a teenager I was mindlessly destructive, a petty thief, and very troubled and unhappy—but also, while I thought it the best of times, I dreaded having to become an adult. Puberty was not kind to me, and I cannot begin to fathom what went wrong, if anything did. I guess that I mean physically, because everything was wrong mentally and behaviorally.
I was “always” trying to make sulfuric acid and never succeeding, and trying to make gunpowder, but it never worked. Acids were pretty easy to make: combine two dry chemicals in a retort, and add heat. This gets you nitric and hydrochloric acids, but not sulfuric. I “burned” a fingertip with nitric acid, accidentally, but all that I remember is that it changed to orange. Gunpowder is made up of three dry chemicals, but mine never burned like gunpowder is supposed to.